What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize