omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
