Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
