Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least š
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
Never thought Iād use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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