somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
