I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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