you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
