That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
