ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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