So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize