I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
