stop calling my apartment porn island.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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