two words: eviction party
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
