Banned from zoo.
Again?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
