he told me I talked like a deaf person
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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