she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
