my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
