There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
