i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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