I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
