you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
