these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
