Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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