I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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