so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
