haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
