Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
