I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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