I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
