I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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