My room smells like vodka and shame
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
