imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
