It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
