It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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