A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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