After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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