i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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