my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
