An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
