just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
