She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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