You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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