Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
