ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
