i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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