My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
