i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
