I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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