My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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