you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
