I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
