Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
