Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
