Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
