You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
