i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
