She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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