Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
