My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
