You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize