my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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