that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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