Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
