i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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