so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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