Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We left an ass print on the piano.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize