Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize