Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
