Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
