Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
