what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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