I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
