You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
